Baby sleep: The Ferber method
Margie: It’s hard when you’re getting up constantly in the middle of the night. It’s just wearing on me.
Narrator: First-time parents Mike and Margie Gunn aren’t going to let their 5-month-old son control their nights anymore. It’s time for a dose of independence for little Nicholas.
Mike: I don’t want him to get to a point where he’s just addicted to just that affection all the time.
Narrator: Their baby’s sleep issue isn’t going to sleep — it’s staying asleep.
The Gunns allowed BabyCenter to follow their efforts as they teach Nicholas a new way of sleeping through the night, trying the famous and controversial tips in Richard Ferber’s book “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems.”
Danny Lewin, PhD: When the parent comes to the stage where they don’t want to be involved in every wake-to-sleep transition, that’s where a “cry it out”-type method — a very fast approach or a much slower approach — can begin.
Narrator: Danny Lewin is a clinical psychologist and director of the pediatric behavioral sleep medicine program at Children’s National Medical Center in Washington, DC. Lewin says families should consider several key issues before crying it out.
Sleep expert: That depends on the child’s medical status, whether they’ve got a pain condition, and what the parents’ comfort level is as well.
Narrator: Since Nicholas has no medical concerns affecting his sleep, the Gunns have decided the accelerated approach is the best fit for their family. The secret, says Lewin, is breaking dependent sleep associations that require a parent’s involvement.
Margie: The crutches I’m using would be the music, the pacifier, definitely… nursing him before bed…
Narrator: Margie and Mike Gunn have a plan of attack:
Nicholas will only sleep in his crib, instead of his swing, and they will place him in his crib awake. And wean him off his pacifier overnight.
Mike: Here we go, Nicholas, bathtime.
Narrator: The first evening began with their nighttime ritual. Bath, bottle, a story, and off to bed.
Margie: Hey, look at you chillin’.
Narrator: They agreed to let Nicholas cry in three-minute intervals before returning to his room for reassurance and a gentle pat in hopes that he’d fall asleep on his own.
Sleep expert: Some children will cry for 30 minutes, some children will cry for an hour and a half. By the third night, the child has a pretty good sense that crying is not going to bring the parent back. And the crying becomes less and less and less.
Narrator: The Gunns persevered, letting Nicholas cry it out only at night as they stretched their visits to 15 minutes apart. Most parents see a dramatic improvement in three nights, but it took Nicholas five nights of hour-long tears before he finally soothed himself to sleep.
It was momentary. Two days later, he was back to screaming again.
Margie: My lord, child.
Narrator: This is not uncommon.
Sleep expert: It’s called “extinction burst.” Where you’re trying to eliminate a behavior, and all of a sudden it comes back very very powerfully.
Margie: Sometimes it was just that plain, flat crying crying and then we’d go in and it would be like bloody screaming crying.
Narrator: It became even more complicated when Nicholas cut his first tooth.
Margie: This is not working.
Narrator: When “Ferberizing” became traumatizing for the parents, Margie gave back the pacifier and started rocking Nicholas to sleep.
Margie: There’s nothing more I can do.
Narrator: It was time to throw in the towel.
Sleep expert: It’s also an issue of what the parent can tolerate. If a parent feels that conflicted then we recommend a more gradual approach.
Narrator: Still there are some positives. Nicholas’s naps now last an hour to an hour and a half, and Mike and Margie are willing to try this again.
Margie: I learned that Nicholas is just as stubborn if not more stubborn than we are. Once he’s older, I’m gonna try it again.
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