Cosleeping Woes: When Sleep
For all the spectacular benefits offered by cosleeping, there is one problem that sleep-sharing parents almost unanimously complain about: when a baby or toddler absolutely refuses to sleep alone. Despite jeers of “we-told-you-so” from naysayers opposed to attachment parenting, this is not a sign that your baby is spoiled– and, no, the proper response is not to make him “Cry it Out” via the Ferber Method.
Why your Baby won’t Sleep Alone
Most people who are unfamiliar with attachment parenting and cosleeping–your mother-in-law, for instance– will likely insist that your cosleeping baby is refusing to sleep alone because he is spoiled. It is much more likely that the baby’s habit isn’t based in “spoiling”, but rather, in confident attachment. He doesn’t wake up when you’re not with him because he wants to manipulate or abuse you– he wakes up because he loves you and is accustomed to feeling secure by your side.
A “dependent” cosleeping baby or toddler is actually showing signs of healthy, natural attachment, not a bad habit or an intention to manipulate. Babies raised with an attachment parenting model have a realistic expectation that their needs will be met– often, a baby or toddler will wake up with an expectant, rather than panicked, cry, simply because he wants to make sure his parents will still be coming to bed soon.
Does it Really Need to Change?
Some parents may decide to adjust their babies’ sleep arrangements for a variety of reasons: perhaps they are afraid that their child is becoming excessively dependent, or cosleeping prevents parents from enjoying a full night’s sleep. In other cases, the parents may intend to continue cosleeping, but they want to eliminate the “Hey, aren’t you coming to bed?” cries that echo across the house in the hours between Baby’s bedtime and Mama’s bedtime.
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