Parenting–Toddlers/Infants/Pre



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Parenting–Toddlers/Infants/Pre-Schoolers – Toddler Crying at Night Expert: James Windell – 5/1/2007

Question I am concerned about my boyfriend’s little 20-month-old daughter, as she has recently been awaking in the middle of the night crying loudly. She shares a room with her 3-year-old brother, and I am always afraid she is going to wake him up. It baffles me, because she is a happy little girl when she is awake, and once we go to check on her she is fine. Even when she was a little baby she did not wake up crying like this…this is an entirely new development.

Do you have any ideas on things that might cause this kind of behavior? I have done a bit of research on night terrors, and it does not seem that this is what she is experiencing, as she is consolable. I have also considered that maybe her second molars are coming in and causing her discomfort, but she does not appear to be in pain. Also I am concerned that she might have some fears of abandonment, and it worries her at night when she wakes up and does not see anyone around. She seems to be left alone a lot when she is with her mother, and I worry that this scares her.

I would appreciate any ideas you can offer, and suggestions you might be able to provide to ensure that my little pumpkin feels safe and secure. She is such a sweet baby, and I hate hearing her cry!

Answer Hello Gena, I know this is worrisome, but most of the time, night-time awakenings are just a blip in a toddler’s development. And usually it doesn’t mean fear of abandonment or anything else — except that this happens in the lives of toddlers frequently. Since you’ve been reading about night terrors, you know that you shouldn’t awaken a child if they are crying in their sleep. But, if a child is waking up and crying in the night, it is important not to reinforce this behavior. You can go to her and quietly soothe her, but you shouldn’t wake her up (if she isn’t already awake) and you shouldn’t feed her, rock her or do anything else that is likely to reinforce her wakings. I hope this helps. Best, James Windell

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