Plan ahead now for better sleep later
Plan ahead now for better sleep later by Jodi Mindell Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board Last updated: April 2003
Whether you’re in your first, second, or third trimester, you’ve probably already started thinking about such issues as whether you’ll get your baby boy circumcised and whether you’ll nurse or bottle-feed. You’re probably talking about these issues with your spouse or partner, too. Here’s another crucial topic to discuss: Sleep. Establishing how, where, and when your newborn — and later, your baby and toddler — will sleep is one of the most important decisions you’ll make as a new parent. Many parents don’t even realize that they’ll have to teach their baby good sleep habits; they assume he’ll have them instinctively.
Here are just a few of the questions worth considering before your baby arrives. Keep in mind that there’s no one right answer to any of them; it’s up to you to develop a sleep strategy that works for your famly.
• Will you sleep share with your infant or will he sleep alone?
• When he cries at night, will you go to him or let him be?
• What kind of bedtime ritual will you establish?
• If your baby sleeps most of the day and is wide awake at night, how will you reset your his schedule?
• Imagine your baby simply won’t go to sleep. What will you do?
• When you need help, who will you turn to?
The list of questions goes on. Yet despite being a complex and complicated subject, sleep often gets short shrift — at least until it’s 4 a.m. and you’ve got a screaming baby on your hands.
I’m constantly surprised by the number of parents who don’t give much thought to teaching their baby how to sleep. They don’t realize that babies learn healthy sleep habits over time, thanks to parents’ efforts to establish a loving, consistent, predictable sleep routine that their baby will thrive on.
Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised; after all, what expectant mom hasn’t imagined herself sitting in a softly lit room, gently swaying back and forth in a rocking chair and singing her baby to sleep in her arms? Emotionally, the image is very powerful. It’s also misleading; for one thing, unless you’re prepared to rock your baby to sleep every night for the next few years, you should be careful not to rock her to sleep every night from the beginning.
Act now, while you’re still awake
Deciding during pregnancy what basic sleep rules you and your baby will follow is a good idea for two reasons. First, if you teach your baby healthy sleep habits from the get-go, you’ll be taking a proactive step toward avoiding — or at least reducing — her sleep problems in the future. And it’s a lot easier to establish good habits if you don’t have to break bad habits first.
Second, every decision you make now is one less decision you’ll need to make through the fog of sleep deprivation later. Having firm ground rules in place may help you avoid desperate measures such as vacuuming, rocking, or driving around the block all night to help your baby nod off.
Know thyself — and thy partner
The first person you should talk to about sleep is your partner or spouse, if you have one. Be prepared to disagree. If you are a firm believer in sleep sharing and your partner can’t stand the idea, you’ll have to find a compromise. In my family, I have to stand firm when our daughter cries; my husband wants to comfort her at the first whimper. But instead of fighting about it, we’ve found a balance — going to her eventually, but not right away — that we can both live with.
One thing my husband and I always agreed on was that our own sleep was a high priority. Here’s the schedule we adopted when our daughter turned 2 weeks old: I would pump a bottle of breast milk at 9 p.m. and go to bed. My husband would get up to feed the baby between 10:30 and 11:30 p.m. and then put her down again. At 2 a.m., I’d take over. That way, we both got a solid five or six hours of sleep every night.
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